Thursday, November 12, 2009

Road Blocks

Have there been things in your life that you have not done even though you wanted to do them? Even things that you knew you were supposed to do. Are there "things" stopping you - like just being afraid?

I know too well about the road blocks that prevent a person from moving forward. All the excuses for not accomplishing or completing or stepping out...

I think everyone experiences lots of emotions about things that are important to us that we want to do - whether it is go back to school, start a new business venture, speak to someone, teach something, or try something new. There are so many things in life that are out there that would be fun or enriching or exciting or benefit us - but - for whatever reason we have, we back off and do not do it.

The unknown can be very intimidating. The insecurity can be debilitating. The lack of discipline can rob us of producing. The rebellion can stop the blessing from reaching us.

I have been there too many times. I have failed because I refused to even try! I have allowed life to pass me by for the fear of making a fool of myself (called PRIDE!)

I was a very shy, timid, insecure child. I grew up thinking that everybody in the world was smarter and better than me. I was so shy that I would NEVER answer a question at school - even when I knew the answer and the teacher called on me. I would lower my head, turn bright red and almost burst into tears, but never say a word. I would take a zero for a grade rather than give any type of oral report. I would get "sick" and stay out of school for days and weeks if necessary to avoid giving that report.

I wanted people to speak to me, but was so afraid that they would. I was tortured by thoughts of "what if I say the wrong thing? What if my voice squeaks? What if I have bad breath? What if they were not really speaking to me, but the person behind me?"

I would dwell on what the proper response should be if they actually DID speak to me. Was I supposed to say "HI!" or "HELLO!", or would that be over doing it and too enthusiastic, desperate sounding? Would "hey" be too informal or too indifferent? What would they think?

The turmoil and agony I went through in school was horrible. The imaginary world of being rejected tormented me and I went through life frozen and afraid.

Thankfully, God did a great work in me. I am able to speak to people - even speak first - with confidence and assurance. I am able to stand in front of a crowd and speak and sing and teach. In fact, I enjoyed my speech class so much that when I exempted my last speech (I had made 100 on all the other ones) I was so disappointed and begged to be able to give it!

How did this happen? Through prayer and perseverance. Through taking my eyes off myself and knowing that what I have to say is important. It came from a relationship with my heavenly Father and a revelation of who He is and what He thinks of me.

I have much more to share on this... and I will later...
Are there areas in your life where you are frozen and debilitated and unable to act? I'd love to hear about them and pray with you....


1 comment:

lailani said...

lol! This worded so well this new phase in life! I have put off stepping out on the Personal Cook. I knew it was not a gut feeling holding me back - but fear, intimidation - lack of confidence. Had it not been for a phone call and THEIR requesting, I might not have jumped in Monday. I had prayed about it, about the fear, the inability to push, and I truly believe God responded to my concern - the door opened. I stepped. Now I need to step again, I keep looking at the phone and thinking of the person that I should call. Fear, is still there, mild, but there, which shows in the procrastination :)