Summer Catch-Up

Obviously, I haven't blogged much this summer. I guess it's time to catch up.

We have had a fun summer. Spent time in the pool and traveling and playing with some of our grandkids.

We visited family in southern Florida and also in north Georgia. Then we went to Wisconsin and visited more family.

Lots of different things have happened. I planted a garden and harvested a handful of fruits and veggies. Not sure what happened to my bumper crop. I guess that the extreme heat and lack of rain and interest contributed greatly to the crop I did not have.

We did a good bit of work in the yard in the spring, but our yard is in horrible condition now. The grass is DEAD! Even watering it didn't bring it back to life. I killed 2 lavender plants and a clematis along with many MANY geranium. When I took my lavender plants back to Lowes the guy told me he was going to report me for murder! (LOL)

Last night I went to Walmart. I meandered out to the garden center just to see what clearance plants they had. I figured I could get some half/dead plants to replace the dead ones I have and my yard would look twice as good. Theirs didn't look much better than mine. As I was walking out I heard the girl who was working out there. She had her iPod in her ears and was singing at the top of her lungs - something in Spanish.... she was actually pretty good but would have been really embarrassed if she had known that I was still out there. It made me feel good and happy because I knew she was really enjoying herself and doing what she loved. (and getting paid for it!)

So, nursing school started today. I am playing with grandkids. I had one all summer (except for the trips - and I offered to take him with us then). We have done lots of reading already. Gearing up for the new schedules all around.

Life is good. It is getting better and better. Healing is happening!

Evaluating - ME

Okay, so that is a scary thought...

I have just been faced with myself and parts are not very pretty...

I am a pleaser. I want to please people. I want you to like me. I want things to be smooth and peaceful.

I would venture to say that one of my greatest fears is that you would not be "pleased" with me and you would not like me.

Having said that, I have come to realize that I have sold myself. I have not learned who I am. At age 60 that is a very sad commentary. It took me 25 years to tell my husband, who LOVES submarine sandwiches, that I do NOT like them! Yeah, he was shocked! I ate them without a word for 25 years. I hid my gags... and dislike, just to please him. Then one day, I told him. Every now and then, I can eat one and enjoy it. That is also a shock to him.

Sad ... I know ...

There are other things that bother me. There are many things that I have prayed/asked to receive but after having them, I soon find out that I really don't want them or am disappointed or they have become a bondage.

Then, I become a complainer and murmurer. Neither one is very befitting someone named "merrie"!

I have become my mama... She was good at being nice and sweet to your face, but to everyone else complain about what was going on and how she was being "used"...

Last night I was told that I was acting like a martyr. Pretty painful confrontation - but no offense taken because I was seeking answers.

So, in self reflection (with the help of the Holy Spirit) I have determined that I do not know myself and to my own self have not been true.

I have said one thing and meant another because I was trying to please and not hurt feelings. When the result has been that I have hurt myself.... again, SAD!

Fear of rejection pales in the light that the One who matters, loves me and did not reject me and will not reject me and will never leave me nor forsake me. In the light of that, I have NOTHING to fear!

So, I'm on a quest to become fully me. I am going to stop worrying about pleasing anyone but Jesus. I am going to seek after being all that I was created to be.

I'm sorry if you don't like me anymore. I'm sorry if you aren't pleased. I'm no longer going to seek your approval.

ahhhhhh, peace, joy, contentment!!!!!!

Good Tweets

I've been really blessed lately by some tweets. I don't normally "tweet" myself, but I do enjoy reading a couple of my tweet friends. They are generations apart in age, but their wisdom is common. One is my age and others are my children's age.

Some of these little bits of wisdom have changed my day and my attitude and hit between the eyes at just the right time.

"I talk to myself. Today it's: I know what to do, what to say, where to go. I'm in the know. God has put within me the ability to produce wealth!" (Beverly)

"Love keeps no record of wrongs, but bitterness keeps detailed accounts." C.Groeschel (Jon)

"People keep God at an arms length so they can pull Him close when they want Him and push Him away when they don't" (Jon)

"When what you are saying makes no sense, talking louder won't clarify your meaning." (Mandy)

"I must realize that my obedience even in the small details has all the omnipotent power of the grace of God behind ..." (Beverly)

"The fastest way to pass your own expectations is to add passion to your labor." - Mike Litman (Beverly)

"Fear is the 3rd party in most transactions. Salespeople fear rejection, failure. Client fears YOU! Salespeople are viewed as fear creators." (Beverly)

"Everything is sales. My experience is parenting is the most important sales position out there!" - Zig Ziglar (Beverly)

"You don't have to understand everything to believe in something" (Jon)

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him, his own." -Benjamin Disraeli (Beverly)

Summe 2010

Well..... hello there.... it's been such a long long time....
How ya doin?
We've been doin' fine!

How's the family?
Please give them our love...

Talk with you later....
Gotta go run and get some stuff done. Ethan is asleep and the yard is calling... the pool looks amazing! Maybe I'll venture in later on today....
Come join me if you'd like...

Random Dozen - One Thing

1. What is one really fast, know-by-heart "go-to" meal to fix in a pinch?

My "go-to" meal is a salad. I always have salad stuff and it is fast and healthy and I love them!

2. What is one item you won't leave home without. (Purse and license do not count.)

Earrings - I am "naked" without them.

3. Where is one place you never tire of visiting?

The BEACH!!!

4. Share one factoid of your family's history.

In the 1800's my great great great grandfather was born in a covered wagon in Tennessee. He then moved to Oklahoma as a Methodist Preacher/Circuit Rider. Now, we live out here. I was so surprised to find that there is a HUGE Bennett Family Reunion in Oklahoma. How neat is that?

5. Complete this sentence: "Once upon a time I ...."

.... wanted to be a princess... - wait I STILL do! Okay then .... lived in a land far away where the waves hit the sand and the sun shone brightly and the weather was WARM!

6. If you could win a one year's supply of anything, what would it be?

The practical thing would be gas for the cars. ... however, not known for practicality, I would choose FRUIT! Yeah... all kinds... yummmmm

7. "One quirky thing you may not know about me is ...."

I enjoy mornings and nights - not so much the middle of the day. I could sleep for hours during the day, wake up real early and love to stay up real late.

8. You have one dollar in your pocket. What will you buy?

A Cliff bar...

9. "One thing that always makes me laugh is ...."

My grandkids.. (okay, so that is 7)

10. What is one thing you could do today to help yourself reach a personal goal?

Study Medical Terminology for my ND.

11. What is one thing you could do today to bless someone else?

Smile... actually, pray for them

12. What is one thing you're looking forward to soon?

Vacation...


Psalm 84:10a: Better is ONE day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere!

Weekend Battle/Joy

This past weekend I did something that I rarely ever do. I stayed home from Oz alone.

Through the years I have allowed hurts and rejections and just stuff to build up. It was beginning to choke me and drown out my joy. I was to the point that I could not function.

About a month ago Hugsum and I had gone on a date to a concert. I should have been happy and joyful and enjoying it. I was not. I was on the verge of tears. I could hardly hold them in. I finally looked at him and said, "I have to have help".

This past year has been a hard one. I won't go into details, but I'll just say that I have been stripped down to the nubs emotionally and spiritually. I have been beaten up ... There have been so many battles on so many different fronts that I just completely closed up my emotions and did my best to make it through the day. I would fall into bed exhausted at 8.

I did not know how to handle any of what was going on and there was nothing that I could do about the outcome of anything - except pray... which is exactly what I did. I was numb and didn't feel anything, but I prayed.

So last week I just announced that I need to stay home. I needed to get Face to face with God. I HAD to have His touch and His healing.

Thursday night I had a dream/vision of a banner running through my head. It said, "I came to heal the broken hearted". It was in different fonts and colors... continuously changing.

I began to stand on that vision that my heart, which had been broken, would be healed.

I spent all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday in prayer and Bible study. I repented, I forgave, I was forgiven. I talked and prayed and shared with Father all that I could think of... everything that was in my heart and on my heart and He touched it and removed the pain. I was healed from the inside. I was healed from the hurts and pain.

By the time Hugsum got home, I felt free and had a deep joy. He said he felt like he had a new wife. It was wonderful!

I came to the point that if nothing about any of the circumstances changed, it is OK. I can live with it. I HAVE to live with it because it involves other's decisions. But the point is that I can live. I had been so depressed, so broken, so despondent that I didn't really care if I lived or not.

Please don't judge me. I have hope of my salvation. I was not about to take my life. I just did not want to live like I was living with so much grief and pain.

The circumstances did not change. I was changed!

I love that now I know that Jesus is enough. I don't have to worry. I don't have to fret. I don't have to be careful about what I say or do or think. He is enough. He can handle it all. He has restored my hope and my joy and renewed my purpose.

Can I tell you... that is such a relief and such a blessing! I wonder why I didn't do this sooner. Well, actually, I had not come to the end of myself. I had not bottomed out. I was still trying to "hold on" and figure it all out. I had to give up.

How nice it is now to not be burdened with grief and guilt and condemnation and striving to please.

Jesus is truly all I need!

Now... as a side note - I'm still far from perfect. I still blow it (I did yesterday). I still have to work through some issues. However, I am confident in the knowledge that no matter what, I am okay. I am going to be fine. I don't have to worry.... I can get back to that place. I know where it is and how to get there. I know the Answer!

ahhhhhhh, now THAT's the life worth living! I think that I'll enjoy my pool and the sunshine and the grandbabies and their parents that I can.

I love my life!

Because there is LIFE

So, I have felt absent from the world lately. I have not blogged much. I have not posted much on facebook. I rarely look at twitter. I don't even email much. I rarely talk on the phone except to the kids.

WHY?????

Good question. I'm so glad you asked...
I'm living life. I'm developing relationships with the grandkids....

I hope you are having a good life without me... I'm enjoying mine!