We are changing seasons. Well, actually, I guess you could say that the season has changed. It is cooler and rainier. The leaves are falling. Our clothes are getting heavier. The days are getting shorter.
All these we expect and prepare for and some even look forward to these changes. I personally prefer summer. I love the sunshine and warmth and the freedom and the flowers.
But, we are taught in Ecclesiastes that there is a time and a season for everything. So, as with the weather, lives change, locations change, clothes change, people change.
I guess that because I have just turned 60, change is on my mind.
I always think of myself as being 23. Yeah - it's been a few years. But, that is just the age that is stuck in my mind.
I also think about who I am and have been and will be. My roll changes, depending on where I am and who I am with.
I am "momma", "grandmomma", "wife", "friend", "daughter", "sister", "c0-worker", "pastor's wife"...
I could also be a mentor, teacher, speaker, leader ...
I can also be someone in the need of ministry.
I have found that if I allow my "weakness" or "need" to be seen, then sometimes I am judged more critically and harshly. I have even been rejected and chastised.
So, it is easy to "pretend" that everything is okay and that I have all the answers and have it all together.
But, you know what - I don't and I'm not....
In this season of my life - it is hard. They call it the "sandwich" generation. I am calling it the "baloney" generation because it is hard and full of bull! (... an interesting fact I found out the other day when a friend sold a wild bull that they couldn't do anything with. I asked what they were going to do with him and was told they would make him into baloney since his meat would be tough and not taste good. )
In this season I'm facing some things that are not pleasant. They are things that I have no control over, yet they affect my life drastically. I don't have answers. I don't have it together. I'm in tears and devastated often. I have cried out for mercy and help. I have allowed myself to be vulnerable.
My solution when friends and family forsake me? I have been finding my strength in Jesus. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. I rejoice in the Lord - not for my circumstance, but IN it! His Word is true. His love and mercy are from everlasting to everlasting and new every morning.
The good news? It is still good news! My character is being built. I am growing in wisdom and grace. I am learning where my Strength lies - ONLY in Jesus.
In this, the most painful time of my life, I can rejoice and praise. I know my Redeemer lives and He has not forsaken me.
I WILL make it to the other side! I have seen the other side and I know it is wonderful and worth the battle!
(for those who are questioning - my marriage is wonderful and doing great! I am blessed by the man of God that is known as my "Hugsum".)